As children, we observe the world around us – open, watching, learning – constantly receiving an imprint from our environment. An innocent (or not so innocent) remark, such as being told to be quiet, mind your manners, don’t sook, you’ll be right, can imprint on our subconscious a pattern that my needs don’t matter in order to keep another person happy.
This may serve to protect us in that moment from the wrath of another, but the file has then been encoded. For example, we worry that if we don’t comply our primary care giver will abandon us, or in order to please others it’s best I keep my feelings to myself.
What protected you in childhood can keep you stuck in adulthood
Over time, your feelings may begin to store up, become repressed, and coming out in unexpected ways.
Seemingly blow up at the smallest things, feel like no one understands you, you can’t rely on anyone, feel rejected and unseen, unworthy of love.
Your stress response becomes hyper-vigilant, looking at ways to prove that theory is true. Keeping you stuck in old patterns and the merry go round of paralysis by analysis.
So how do I heal this pattern I hear you ask.
First is mindful awareness – becoming aware of the situation, noticing your triggers and reactions to the external environment.
Second is to practice building heart coherence – the ability to respond to yourself from a space of compassion, understanding and empathy. The more we come from this space, the easier it is to become mindfully aware.
We do this through the practice of connecting within and asking ‘what do I truly need right now?’ It might be a release of emotions via screaming into a pillow, crying, dancing to your favourite song. Or it could be more nurturing practices such as meditation, especially connecting to a space of heart coherence, mindful breathing, journalling, ground out in nature with bare feet.
You can find out more about mindful awareness and heart coherence here in the free video series Decode Stress & Live Your Best.
The third is using Emotional Freedom Technique (aka EFT or Tapping) to clear the subconscious program that is reinforcing that belief, and re-write a new script – one that is is steeped in kindness, encouragement, and support. You can find more about this here. As an EFT Practitioner it is my role to facilitate this process in encoding a new way of being.